Dear Betty,

I was wondering if you could help me. I am 26-years-old and I have been sexually active since I was 19. Though I am not currently with anyone, I masturbate regularly with vibrators, usually several times a week.

In my entire life, I have only had 4 orgasms. Most of the time, what happens is the following: I get excited with my partner or through masturbation and feel an orgasm coming on. My vaginal muscles tighten up and even contract several times but this is where it ends. There is no euphoric feeling, no electric rush, nothing that is supposed to happen when you orgasm.

When I am with a partner who is going too fast, the same thing happens except at the end, when my vaginal muscles tighten up, it actually hurts. What is going on with me? Is what is occurring an orgasm? Or is it a sign that I am not orgasmic? Where do I go from here? I remember my 4 orgasms so well and I desperately want to have more! Help!!

Sincerely, Chichi

Dear Chichi, Chances are you are having orgasms or the beginning of one. When you say your vaginal muscles tighten up and even contract several times, that sounds very much like an orgasmic reflex to me. I think you are romanticizing the idea of orgasm with words like "euphoric," "electric rush," or whatever else you "think" is supposed to happen. This is not unusual among women. Remember, an orgasm is a reflex that takes place in our bodies when we build up sexual tension that gets released with a climax. It's similar to tickling your nose until you sneeze, which is also a reflex. Both are part of the autonomic nervous system that we cannot control. Stop dwelling on those four orgasms in the past that have become exaggerated in your remembrance of them. Stay with your body and masturbation. Spend more time practicing breathing, moving, using the PC muscle and doing some hot clitoral stimulation. Consider buy and using my Vaginal Barbell. Pay attention to what you're feeling at the moment and stop comparing your current orgasms to what happened in the past or what you think "should" be happening now. Trust your body. Focus your mind with a sexual fantasy. Read my book, Sex for One. Watch my video, Celebrating Orgasm. Buy the Magic Wand. Keep practicing. Love yourself passionately. Betty