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Dear Betty,

I have bought and read "Sex for One" and "Orgasms for Two," and I must thank you for your hard work getting the facts out about masturbation. I think it is unfortunate that masturbation has had such a bad reputation for so many centuries (and still does, even today), so I appreciate your efforts to change the status quo.

That said, I do have some questions about masturbation as regards myself. I am by no means shy about touching my penis when I am alone, although I generally don't talk to people about it. I guess I masturbate for the same reason that everybody else does: It feels good. At least, it feels good at first. After a while, usually when my penis has been erect for a while, it begins to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I would masturbate in the shower using soap suds as lubrication, but even with that I didn't get an orgasm.

One night I decided to watch some porn and use some olive oil for lubrication, but even this didn't make me feel particularly comfortable. I did masturbate longer that night than I had before, but still not to orgasm. In fact, I have never had an orgasm or ejaculated except in nocturnal emissions, and I was wondering if many other young men have had similar experiences.

I have two ideas as to what may be wrong with my masturbation habits: One, I might be using the wrong type of lube or not enough of it. (I am not circumcised, by the way, so I don't really know how much of an issue this is.) I know that there are lubes specifically meant for sex, but I have a tight budget and am not sure if I can afford such luxuries, so I've been improvising. Two, masturbation might simply be too predictable: I know beforehand what my hands are going to do, and there is no spontaneity. I would like to hear your thoughts on this matter.

Sincerely,
Vince

Dear Vince,

Thanks for noticing my efforts to liberate the most frequently experienced universal sexual outlet, masturbation. Now, what the hell are you doing with your dick that doesn't produce an orgasm? The fact that you have nocturnal emissions or what is better known as "Wet Dreams" demonstrates your plumbing is in order. So I figure your problem might be psychological based upon sexual inhibition. Perhaps some awful repression is lurking in your mind.

I assume you are young, teens or early twenties, and without sufficient information, but I can only guess. While there's nothing wrong with using olive oil or any cold pressed nut oil, or for that matter, a big glob of spit to get started, your uncircumcised penis actually makes masturbating easier as the foreskin is somewhat self-lubricating. Maybe you've developed a lousy technique for playing with your peter. Too hard, too fast, too worried, too fearful? When you say, "At least, it feels good at first. After a while, usually when my penis has been erect for a while, it begins to feel uncomfortable." This makes me wonder if your foreskin is too tight. If so you might want to see a urologist who can release it. This does not require a full circumcision, just a minor adjustment.

Or you can just continue to masturbate and keep trying to move through the phase of "uncomfortable" and stretch your own foreskin. Breathe into the sensation and stay with it a bit longer each time. Similar to a young woman who is learning to stretch her vagina by gradually opening it up with her fingers while using a clean lubrication like my Sweet Almond Oil, you will be stretching your foreskin by pulling it back a little further each time. Your last suspicion about lack of spontaneity is BS. When something feels as good as an orgasm, it doesn't have to be different every time. Let me know what happens.

Betty

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