Nine Years of Togetherness © Betty Dodson 2008 If I remember correctly, the number nine represents spiritual completion. Even if it turns out I’m mistaken, the concept still works for me. Eric and I had our first sexual exchange in early January 1999. We began living together, temporarily I thought, after he graduated from college in May of that year, so May 2008 marks our ninth year together. Over this period of time we have shared many spectacular orgasms and made some challenging adjustments. Most importantly, I’ve passed on my sex information to the best apprentice I’ve had so far. As we reached year number seven, I began to feel the need to get back in touch with myself and my own sexuality. The common image of the “seven year itch” is the burning desire to have sex with another person. However, I had a different take: For me, partnersex with Eric had come to define my sexlife except for the variety I got when I taught women about orgasms during my hands-on private sessions. Meanwhile, my own selfloving had become infrequent while Eric continued his masturbation on a daily basis along with his play dates with other women. Ah yes, youth is not always wasted on the young. I’m fully aware that my professional life and open relationship with Eric has little in common with how most people live. The fact that I am four decades ahead of him and we remain sexually attracted to one another belongs in "Ripley’s Believe it or Not." We even made it into two tabloids as proof of how outrageous our relationship appears to most Americans. However, the public’s opinion of intergenerational love affairs is of no big concern to me. Eric can speak for himself. While he can socialize with my friends, I don’t socialize with his because the younger generation has been tainted by moralistic ideas having grown up during the Republican years beginning with Reagan. Since that time, expressing sexual pleasure has been steadily sliding down that old slippery slope. Having said that, what I am about to share has nothing to do with any organized religion. As part of my spiritual practice, I’ve been preparing to let go of Eric, my beloved partner, assistant, student, and “other half.” This has been a huge challenge to put it mildly. I swing from envy and jealousy with its possessive angst appropriate to a romantic lover, to feelings of acceptance and maternal love that all mothers know when they realize they must let go for the sake of their child. We will always be part of each other’s lives. He is family even after he leaves to be with another person more age appropriate. Meanwhile, he knows he has a place with me for as long as it’s good for both of us. When Eric first arrived from Southern Virginia, during one of our conversations he stated that he’d accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. I said that he would eventually have to make a choice between Jesus and a career as a sex educator since organized religion was a major cause of sexual repression. The church fathers controlled their flock through sexual guilt which has caused terrible human suffering. People are told if they sacrifice bodily pleasures now they will have a joy-filled hereafter. Any person, Christian or Muslim, who believes there is an actual physical heaven, is someone who, in my mind, is extremely naive. I can imagine a collective consciousness, a divine universal order, extra terrestrial worlds or simply chaos, but please, not a heaven where the streets are paved with gold or populated with dark-eyed virgins who await every man who has sacrificed his life. I’m happy to have been an influence in opening Eric’s eyes to the brainwashing of Christianity. However, I also know most of us need something bigger than ourselves to believe in. Quite frankly, I’ve turned every cause or pursuit in my development into some form of religious practice which has made my spiritual quest very eclectic. Each new teacher or philosophy that intrigued me was explored with devotion similar to religious zeal. The study of art was my first and longest daily worship. Next, I believed that psychiatry and group therapy would save the world. Then I turned to the study of General Semantics and non-Aristotelian thought, followed by A New Model of the Universe by P.D. Ouspensky. That led to the teachings of Gurdjieff, a form of esoteric Christianity for a chosen few. After that I got involved with the twelve-step programs that opened their doors to anyone with a desire to stop using their drug of choice. There we got to define our own “higher power” which was a brilliant idea. When I stopped drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and eating red meat, I began to study and practice yoga. I read books about Tantra and took Tantra workshops. For a while I worshipped group sex as the highest Tantra ritual. Then I practiced Transcendental Meditation. Once I became a feminist, I turned that into a religion and left the art world to teach sex to women. The pursuit of health became my next religious practice. I went on retreats, fasted and got colonics. There were many psychic readings where I learned about my guardian angels, spirit guides, and past lives. I studied metaphysics. I got Rolfed and re-birthed, did lots of massage and foot reflexology. My horoscope was done; I used Tarot cards, the I-Ching, and I asked the pendulum questions. I worshipped the Goddess and made up my own rituals. I joined a lesbian support group and learned about the exchange of power in sexual encounters. I did SmokEnders four times and ended up doing the Cancer Society’s smoke cessation program three times. I took the Forum and some of their follow-up seminars; I did a week-long Avatar seminar and a Body Electric workshop. Then I signed off on workshops to present my ideas to doctors, scientists and sex therapists by speaking at their professional meetings. Over the past years, I’ve watched Eric go through similar stages. His spiritual quest goes beyond Jesus now, although he sees him as “one of us.” Certainly his pursuit of sexual knowledge is a devotion. For about four years he got lost in cyberspace as a gamer, but his martial art practice saved the day. He went to Japan for two weeks to study and came back with renewed vigor. Anyone who is familiar with the martial arts know it’s similar to a religion with all the devotion and dedication to its practice, philosophy, and honoring the art’s master. Several years ago he began his body transformation and similar to me, he turned seeking better health into another devotion. Lately he’s added yoga classes to his ongoing weightlifting and martial arts. His eats organic raw veggies, follows correct food combining and eats protein early in the day. He’s also into aroma therapy. Some days I’m delighted to see him go through these changes and other days I’m convinced he’s become a New Age fundamentalist that appears to be every bit as puritanical as any organized religion. But then I remember that he’s grounded in his body and orgasmic pleasures so I know he’ll be okay. Today I honor the goddess of sexual love and abundance. This is my own private spiritual practice that involves a personal form of meditation. Publicly I teach and honor the practice of Orgasmic Selfloving. Once society learns to celebrate masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexual activity, we will be awakened in our sexual bodies where the lifeforce energy of orgasm connects us to our personal power. We will be individuals who think for ourselves. The same as with sexual expression, people’s need to develop and honor some kind of inner spiritual life as part of being human. I prefer to see my higher power within me, not “out there.” One might also say I’m a Hedonist, the philosophy that believes the pursuit of pleasure might be the highest good. After all, organized religions are supposed to give us guidelines on how to live in peace and harmony, joy to the world, good will toward all. That’s not what I see in America today where religion has become one of the most political and manipulative forces on the planet. When it comes to choosing a creation myth, be it the Egyptians Amon, Judaism’s Messiah, Christianity’s Jesus, Islam’s Mohammad or Buddhism, it’s time to balance the universe by embracing the divine feminine principal: the Orgasmic Mother of us all. Having a woman president would be a step in the right direction.