Dear Betty,

I enjoyed reading your partnersex book, Orgasms for Two, and I am finally learning to love my pussy. Sadly she'd been neglected due to a mix of childhood "issues" and an emotionally abusive ex-partner. I've always had a high sex drive and in the past this was held against me. Fortunately I'm in a relationship now with a man who worships me sexually.

Whilst I enjoy the sex we are having and I orgasm almost every time, I know that I can feel more. I have dreams where I'm fucking another woman and the orgasm I feel is so much stronger than the waking kind. My pussy feels so swollen and heavy and my clit literally pulsates. I've felt this sensation through masturbation a few times. I tend to ejaculate some fluid when I orgasm, even if it's not a particularly strong one. In the past I've always held back just in case it freaks the guy out.

I'm now a lot more comfortable with this. I'm just not sure why this feeling doesn't translate into the real sex I'm having. I think I am bisexual and happy about that but haven't ever done more than kiss a girl- which for the record, completely thrilled me. I like to watch girls fucking. I don't know if this is because of my latent homosexuality or the fact that the sex tends to be more genuine, and less threatening. When I masturbate I think about double-ended penetration with a woman; the thought of her pussy lips rubbing against mine blows me off the map!

I worry that after a difficult birth that I might not be tight or that the ugly episiotomy scar affects my ability to let go. I feel deviant because I'm thinking about sex almost constantly. I learnt about the mechanics of sex far too young, and later I linked the sensation of being touched to being violated; knowing that I was supposed to enjoy the feeling but subconsciously thinking about how frightened and ashamed I was when I was abused. Maybe that's why I dream about sex; it's less frightening than in real life. No pressure! No chance of getting hurt! Perhaps the woman I'm having this incredible orgasm with represents my sexual self? I'm not sure what the reasons are. Either way, I'd love your advice.

H.