Betty--

Well, I dunno what to tell you. I don't really like sex. I'm very bored and tired of masturbating because it seems so empty and not fulfilling anymore ever since I've experienced sex. I ALWAYS come by masturbating but now I just find it boring and I just don't do it anymore because it just bores me now and it has for a long time.

I like having sex and sexual intercourse but even that has lost its desire for me because I don't get those wonderful feelings people talk about from being touched. The only time I really FEEL something is when I have intercourse but even then I don't orgasm (which saddens me greatly). I don't orgasm from oral sex either. Only from myself. Not at all what I thought sex would be like (I am a 23 year old woman having sex since I was 19).

I have like a GAZILLION sex books and stuff and I watch programs on sex and porn. But it seems like I am not getting what I thought out of sex. You wouldn't catch me having sex for hours and stuff. Sex has really disappointed me. I am not on medication and I have not been sexually abused.

I'm sick of feeling like this. I fantasize about sex but it's not like it turns me on anymore. I wonder and I am in awe literally of people who talk about sex so intently and have so much fun while having sex. I'm bored and frankly I feel like I could live without sex and never have it ever again.

Betty, if you have any suggestions please, I am to my wits end about how to handle my sexuality which is supposed to be a "natural" (it certainly doesn't feel natural) part of my life?

Martina

Dear Martina, How we feel about masturbation is how we really feel about partnersex. So if you are bored while having sex with yourself, the same thing will happen when you have sex with a partner. I doubt you are having very good orgasms with yourself. So my advice to you would be to intensify your experience of orgasm. If you are filled with romantic notions and fantasies about what you think sex is supposed to be like, you will miss what is happening in your body because you are living in a dream world. At 23 there are many years ahead of you. Of course you always have the option of giving up sex with yourself and a partner but I hope you decide to deepen the experience of orgasm. Sex is not "natural" -- it's an art form. If you develop some sexual skills chances are you will enjoy it more. Betty