Subject: The Mystery of the Lost Clitoris
Dear Betty,

I love your website and I earnestly hang onto every word you print. But I think no one has asked you this question. So that I can find solace in the fact that I'm not alone, I ask it now. Please excuse me if I seem ignorant about many things. :)

Okay here's my problem. I have observed and noticed my genitals in all states, when I'm aroused, when I'm not, and I still haven't found "The pearl"- my clitoris. Where is it supposed to lie? All I see are two thick outer lips, a small elongated bulbous thing between the outer lips. Midway through this elongated bulb starts what I believe are the inner labia, right? My inner lips are a little funny, but maybe it's because I haven't seen anyone else's inner lips. Well, they seem to have a small horizontal cut right at the start on both sides. Now that's not what's worrying me. All I see below or inside these lips is some flesh and what I think is my slit or entrance to my vagina.

Where is my clitoris which when touched or stimulated arouses so much pleasure? I have been masturbating and stimulating my clit indirectly by crossing my thighs and squeezing till I come. My orgasm is also just throbbing and pulsing. Is that the right way to come? But how long can I do this? I know each of us has a clit, each of us does, right? I know I have one too but where is it and how can I find it? Thanks for hearing me out and helping me out.

Yours, Kathy

Dear Kathy, One picture is worth a thousand words. Please invest $14 on your sex education and buy my book Sex for One. There are several pages of drawings of women's genitals that show some of our variations. Best of all would be to have my video Viva la Vulva, which clearly describes the whole clitoris. And go to the section on my website called Genital Forum. Click here for --> BETTY'S VULVA DRAWING Your clitoris sits at the top of your inner lips and is most likely what you called a "small elongated bulbous thing." The clitoris is more than just the tip of the glans peeking out or hidden under its hood (similar to an uncircumcised man's foreskin.) In order to see the glans clearly, you need to pull back the hood. This requires a good light that you can adjust, a freestanding makeup mirror and both hands. Your masturbation technique of using leg pressure only is limiting in terms of achieving fuller orgasms. Even if you can't find your clitoris, if you simply applied some massage oil on your hands and rubbed your genitals all over, you most likely would feel a place that gives you the most sensation. Get your hands down there between your legs and feel around. Let me know when, where, and how you find your lost pearl. Betty