Dear Megan, I hear you! If I made a list of all the ways to destroy the joy in partnersex, Herpes and condoms would be at the top. So would our current notion of everlasting romantic love and passionate sex that is supposed to last a lifetime in a monogamous marriage. Even the fact that you are beautiful poses problems. My new business partner Carlin is in her early thirties and beautiful. She too works out every day and has a great body. On our last trip together, I witnessed the hungry looks and tasteless comments made by men as they passed us. It reminded me of when I was a hot number in my twenties working in the fashion industry. At one point, I commented on her having to deal with the constant energy of male sexual deprivation in our fuckless society. She reminded me that Marilyn Monroe once said, "Beauty only invites abuse." How true. After AIDS and the need for condoms appeared in the early eighties, I was involved in the women's SM community where we chose conscious roles and acted out sexual scenarios and fantasies that included exotic costumes, sex toys, and restraints. It made for a lot of hot fun and adventure. Although I was not a very good lesbian in that I didn't want to form a lasting partnership, the women were all very inventive, creative and for the most part privately orgasmic with their lovers. My other sexual outlet was running my masturbation workshops for women which was safe group sex once a month. They were always massively entertaining and delicious! When the nineties rolled around, I wasn't that interested in dating men so in a sense, I married my vibrator and life was good. At the end of that decade, a young college student showed up and we had partnersex with condoms. Months later when we decided he would move in with me, we became what is called "fluid bonded." I was postmenopausal and didn't need birth control. He was totally trustworthy and when he had sex with other women, he wore a condom. Since he grew up using condoms he really didn't mind. As for monogamy, I don't believe in owning another person sexually especially when it's an older person with a younger one. The restriction of demanding a partner's fidelity rarely exists, especially when it comes to men. In my opinion, Mother Nature hard wired men to spread their "seed" far and wide and be "fruit-full," so the whole idea of most guys being faithful is rather ridiculous. I counsel women not to be dependent on a religious construct called "monogamy" that simply feeds into our sexual guilt and shame and makes us more vulnerable to manipulation by any organized religion because we're all sinners. I came of age during America's sexual revolution. That's when I discovered I wanted to have sex with more than one partner during my lifetime. Today most women are practicing serial monogamy while others enjoy experimenting safely with many partners. The polyamory (more than one lover) community is growing. Your proclivity toward "bad" boys and powerful men is shared by many other women. Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac but they are usually the playboys or money brokers who are very busy bedding as many women as possible. If this is your taste, forget finding a faithful boyfriend in this category. The latest article I read was titled "Marry Him." The author was a forty year old single mom who was wishing she had a partner and regretting that she held out for Mr. Right. I married a man who wasn't Mr. Good in Bed and it was like you mothers sexless marriage. Hold out for what you want. In my experience, knowing what I want was always the hardest part. Now for your herpes dilemma; I didn't tell my new partner that I occasionally had a herpes symplex 2 outbreak until it happened. At first he was upset because he thought he would have herpes too. After becoming somewhat of an expert on the subject, he now realizes he's not likely to be infected as long as we dont have sex when the blisters are present. After nine years of living together, he has never tested positive for herpes symplex 2. If we pay attention to keeping our immune systems strong, other than wars, global warming, plagues and McDonalds, most of us will live long healthy lives. You have some choices to make. My counsel would be to start an affair using condoms. Grin and bear it. Once you discover you are into each other, shift over to some form of birth control and dump the condoms. Discuss the parameters of your relationship and agree if one or the other strays, you will play safe. This requires trust. . If you listen to what I call the "disease mongers" you might as well not leave your house. Basic good sense, good health and good judgment will provide a lifetime of pleasure. It all begins by having a love affair with yourself and you already have that in place. Betty