Hi Betty!

I've been masturbating since I was about four. I'm 25. I've gone through several techniques over the years. First, it was rubbing against bedding. In college, I finally used my fingers. I've used a vibrator once or twice. But my usual sure method is the showerhead massager.

I've always had what I believe is a more-difficult-than-average time achieving orgasm. All my lovers (womyn) cum way faster than I ever could. I actually now have my first partner who doesn't get frustrated when I don't cum or if it takes me a long time. But I always get frustrated. And I'm the type of person who gets distracted by the littlest things. So when I'm about to reach an orgasm with a partner, I often don't because of the excited thought that I'm about to actually have one.

I recognize that the whole thing is much more complicated than it should be. Plus, I've noticed that lately it's been getting increasingly harder for me to cum. I would like to know if perhaps the amount of years (culminating all the fantasties, methods, porn, experiences, erotica I've thought of/tried/seen/heard/read...the "been there, done that, bored with it" syndrome) combined with the fact that I use the showerhead massager excessively is slowly but surely desensitizing my ability to orgasm...whereas it was not an easy task in the first place. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, Amy Gershman

Dear Amy, No, you are not jaded and you haven't desensitized your clitoris. However I do think you are "thinking" way too much about your orgasm and that keeps you in your head and takes you out of your body. That's the trouble with smart people-- they're always thinking. Next time you get close to having an orgasm, focus on your breathing and breath out loud. Make some kind of sound on your out breath. Put your big brain to work paying attention to what your body is actually feeling. I'd also suggest you start having more orgasms on dry land with your hand or a vibrator and refine your fantasies. There is no end to our imagination and having sexual fantasies is at the heart of the creative process. The idea of having orgasms is to take as long as possible, not trying to run a one-minute mile. I've been teaching women to spend at least thirty minutes to an hour masturbating so they can enjoy a more full-bodied climax. Relax. Believe me at 25 you haven't done it all. As a matter of fact I propose you are just getting started.