Dear Betty,

I'm 44 years old and in recent years my sex drive as been extremely high. I've only had a handful of sexual partners in my lifetime, as I started rather late in life. But believe me, I've been making up for lost time. I began masturbating at a young age - perhaps 8 or 9, and have always masturbated (primarily with my fingers). But in the last 2 years I acquired some toys and now use a vibrator often. However, when having sex, I don't usually cum easily, if at all. Perhaps because I'm with much younger guys that don't realize you need to warm a girl up first? Or perhaps because how my pussy is shaped (I have large labia majora)? Either way, I'm not certain.

Recently a young man asked me if it was hard for men to make me cum orally because I've lost clitoral sensitivity due to using the vibrator. I was very insulted, but his question made me think. Why is it hard for me to cum? Am I at the age of losing my hormonal levels of testosterone? Or have I simply been masturbating too long and I've lost clit sensitivity? Or a combination of both? I'm a bit concerned but will put off obsessing about it until I hear from the expert.
Waiting patiently, Sandi

Dear Sandi,

Here we go again, the stupid idea that using a vibrator desensitizes the clitoris. On the contrary, it has simply become your preferred type of stimulation that works for you most consistently. I started using a vibrator when I was 36 and never looked back. Who says we have to come from a lovers tongue, finger or dick except some uninformed young man who thinks he has all the answers. Get a grip, woman! As we age, our sexual preferences change.

Please get my book "Orgasms for Two" and after you read it, give it to Mr. Know it all and let him read it too. Why do you think there's been legions of women who fake orgasm during partnersex? It's usually to protect the egos of young (or old) men so they can continue to think they "give" us our orgasms. Nope! We go and get our own orgasms just like they do- with the kind of stimulation they prefer which is usually inside a wet mouth or pussy.

Don't ever think your partnersex orgasms have anything to do with your large inner lips. I discuss all of this in both of my books and on my website. I can tell you are lacking some important information on female sexuality, so get busy. Time to take control and teach those young lovers what you like. Me and my long beautiful inner lips prefer a hard penis (or dildo) inside my vagina while I hold the vibrator on my clit. Try it and tell me what you think.

Betty

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