Dear Dr. Betty Dodson,

Can you rape yourself? That thought occurred to me after a Saturday with five solo sex sessions. I might as well have stayed undressed all day. I was insatiable. This was in 2006, the beginning of my sex life after 46 years.

Here am I: optimistic, a hell of an organizer, bold, university graduate art historian, college graduate in musicology, self-confident, independent, outgoing, humorous, water color painter, athletic, private, Amazon, sailor, lonely, job-free, sexually repressed BUT shaking it all loose, letting go, healing and finally becoming the one I always was.

TRANSFORMATION.

It all started when my French ski teacher (yes, I know they are fast) propositioned me in an two-seater lift at an altitude of 2150 meter. I lacked knowledge on all sexual fronts and could not meet his request, regrettably. We had only five minutes together. His creamy white lips, his beautifully chosen words, his longing and vulnerability did awaken me from repression and self-criticism. He does not know what he stirred up in me, this married, younger, intelligent gentleman from the alps.

He made me think. I decided I do not want to die without having sex with a man. I do not want to go into menopause without it. Even if it will be one time only, I want that memory. Back home I read, but it was not sufficient. Via my recently acquired first computer ever, I found a psychologist and a sexologist for one session. I loved her before I met her. I was courageous, abandoned shame and put my secret cards on the table. She enquired if I had been an incest victim. I denied it and said I had just been shy. Now I know I have been repressed. And here it comes: she spoke your name and showed me your book "Sex for One".

I bought it. I bought your "Selfloving" DVD. I bought your "Orgasms for Two" book. (I have not ordered your DVD "Orgasmic Women" for it is said it cannot be played on an European DVD player or computer? But I am dying for it). "Sex for One" is such a practical and emotional help to me. Your words made me realize I am normal. I am sexually normal. I was all along. I am not vulva deformed. I discovered my clit. 46 Years! All that shame and blame out of the window, thanks to you. Your book liberated me. Masturbating to orgasm has no obstacles. I like myself. I like my dolphin vibrator. I radiate, they say. It is obvious to everybody. Women compliment me in passing, men are checking me out and I enjoy it. All this power gives a responsibility towards men. I know now, I think, that I had this anger towards the world for not being allowed to be an individual, to be me, and I turned it against myself. Hence my keeping distance from others as a protective shield. It served it's purpose. Now it no longer does.

I am letting go. I am becoming my whole self. Your work, your words changed my life. I challenge myself. I go out dancing on my own instead of going with the girls. I topped it this year by making a proposition to a young Frenchman. The day before we had smiled at each other, I had my only shot the next morning at 9.00 o'clock. I was discrete but very clear. I could not get him alone, his colleague would not leave him or look the other way, so I actually propositioned him in French with his friend listening. It must have overwhelmed him.

Anyway I was relaxed and in control, but felt the rejection of the proposition men must feel. Still, in my down moments I wonder if and when will this man arrive? Betty Dodson can you not send me an Eric if only in spirit? I am waiting. I am ready. I am in a hurry. I promised myself that before my 50th year I will have my first shag ever. With the help of my new adage "no blame no shame" thanks to you, I will even get a gigolo. I am choosy, for my first time. It should be warm, discrete and free. Because I intend to tell him my secret in the light. Thank you Betty Dodson for all your work on masturbation and self loving. You helped me to help myself. If you and yours are coming over to the Netherlands please let me know. My home is your home. When I at long last get between the sheets with my lover for lust and/or love, know that for a moment you will be with me and I will dedicate my first time to you. All the best for you and yours,

Thank your whole team for me please, especially Mr. Grant Taylor for his excellent "Betty Dodson website" work; love the way you talked about him this summer. You are free to use these pages of revelation if you want to.

Clara

Dear Clara

What a great letter to start off the New Year and what an honor it will be to join you in spirit for your "first shag ever." If I get to Amsterdam and I most likely will at some point, I'll contact you. If you ever get to NYC, I will present Eric as my gift to you for an entire afternoon and evening. No need for me to worry about your "first time," but I can't wait to hear all about it. Have a fabulous sex filled fun and Happy New Year.

Betty