Dear Betty (Cont.)

I was touched that you took the time to reply to my email about your book, Sex for One. As always your wise words left me feeling good and positive. I have already bought and read Orgasms for Two and loved that book too. I wanted to write and tell you the story of my first orgasm for the website, as I thought it might give confidence to other women who experience difficulty in coming.

My very first memory of masturbating was when I was a teenager, my friend told me about how she did it so I had a go myself. However I was not successful (looking back I didn't use any lubricant so it was just uncomfortable).

I lost my virginity at 16 and it was so painful that I couldn't bear to try again for ages. When I finally had sex successfully I was just glad it didn't hurt. Pleasure never seemed to enter my head. Many years ago I remember one of my boyfriends telling me that 10% of women can't orgasm. I have no idea where this statistic came from but I resigned myself to being one of the unlucky 10%. This absolved both of us from feeling bad about my lack of orgasm. During my disastrous marriage I secretly declared myself 'asexual', no interest whatsoever. Then last August I met my current lover. The second time we had sex, he asked if I'd had an orgasm. I was excruciatingly embarrassed, and flattered; my ex-husband and my other partners over the last 24 years had neither noticed nor cared. Once again I trotted out the old 10% statistic about women who can't orgasm. He just looked at me as if he didn't believe me and said, "You will." For once someone seemed to be including my pleasure in the equation. We then began to talk more openly about sex and our feelings, and we would exchange emails with all the updates on our nightly fantasies.

Although I spent a lot of time thinking about sex it still never occurred to me to touch myself. Around that time I decided to give my pubic hair a trim. I had always kept the edges neat so that they didn't poke out of my swimwear but I had never trimmed the area around my genitals. I had a big curl of hair right in the middle and as I snipped it off, I revealed my clitoris. I had never really looked at myself before except to check an itch. I couldn't get over it. It looked absolutely gorgeous and felt fabulous. I couldn't keep my eyes or hands off it. All day I kept slipping into my bedroom to have another look and feel. I was like a kid with a new toy that I couldn't put down. I discovered that it felt even better if I rubbed a little hand cream on it, and then - inspiration - I got out a tube of KY jelly (I always kept a tube because -surprise, surprise - I quite often had difficulty during sex with dryness).

The slippery KY felt absolutely heavenly and as I lay in bed touching myself, I suddenly orgasmed. It took me completely by surprise. Afterwards I was hesitant to tell my lover as I thought he might be upset that he hadn't given it to me, but I told him and he was delighted. Of course I couldn't wait to try again just in case it was a fluke, but it worked again. The second time I came I cried with joy. Shortly after I went and bought my first vibrator, and I haven't looked back.

I still feel that I have no control over my orgasms, they come when they like - after 5 minutes, after one hour, sometimes not at all. I still haven't succeeded in coming during sex, or even when my lover is present in the same room. He has an open mind and talks freely about sex. I am struggling to overcome shyness but what I can't say face to face I tell him by email. Occasionally I get depressed because the road to becoming orgasmic is not an easy one, but my lover is supportive and kind, and if I have a problem he always asks me 'What would Betty say about that?'

I still have a long way to go to catch up on years of repression but I intend to enjoy every step of the way. I can definitely tell you that life really does begin at 40; inspired by your book Orgasms for Two I know that I have many more years of enjoyment ahead of me.

Gale

Dear Gale, Congratulations on becoming orgasmic. Emails like yours warm my heart. When I first began talking about the importance of women learning to masturbate back in the sixties, many women saw me as some kind of nut who was anti-male and men treated me as their favorite dirty joke. Now many years later after thousands of women have joined Betty's Orgasm Club, looks like I get to have the last laugh. Keep me posted on your pleasure progress. Betty