Dear Betty,

i'm 19, my girlfriend is 18 and we've been together for a little over a year. we're pretty open with each other and more and more, my girlfriend likes to read erotica- she says it's "grapefruity" it's a joke we have. anyway she's turned on by the anal stuff...a lot and she's been leaving hints and such about my dorm, like buying lube and beads etc. the guys always joke about anal being really good, but i'm worried i might hurt her. she's really beautiful and i think i may love her, but she's tiny- less than 110- she can't even give blood! and about 5 2 and i read up on it that the skin there is very sensitive and tears easily and i'm just so much bigger, i'm always afraid i'll crush her so she usually goes on top. am i wrong to be so worried about this? i have to address the issue soon, i've been avoiding her all week.

i just read over my email, and realized how rushed it is. so i figured if i want help, I'd best give you the full story. my girlfriend is just as headstrong as she is beautiful. In sex and most things, she knows what she wants and goes for it. She's a power house, especially for her overall tinyness- which i guess i'm stressing over but i think it's the root of my problem.

When she was younger she was forced, i don't know the details- it's something she's open about, but equally closed off about and she's very smart and knows just how to answer all of my questions and avoid them at the same time. It came up when i noticed her getting a bit edgy about all the rape awareness posters they put around campus during womens' week and it was spoken about just in passing, like a throw away comment.

"Hey, don't like the posters much huh?"

"yeah...bad memory, kinda wasn't a virgin my first time. Hey! lets get ice cream!" and then i had to work out why she wasn't a virgin her first time and when i spoke to her about it she curled up into herself and just gave me little things, like she was young and in second grade and her parents made her change schools after and it wasn't spoken about. so when ever we have sex, this whole thing comes back into my mind and pulls at my heart a little, like makes me feel guilty. but she's always all for it, and she has a very healthy sex drive i can barely keep up.

But because of this slightly misty rape...thing and because she's 5' 2" and 106 (i made her weigh herself especially for this email-though she doesn't know about it) i'm overprotective of her and cautious in everything we do- especially sex wise. so now that she's going on about anal, and all i can think about is a little blonde haired, green eyed second grader wearing my girl's exact smile, i'm more than unsure.

She was just a little kid! it makes me almost physically sick. she's just so persistent, and i love? her for it and vaginal sex, i can deal with but this anal thing! and she's so tiny! i can't equate myself with whoever hurt her in the past. what if something were to go wrong, and she said to keep going and really she couldn't take it. she'd do that to, say everything was fine when really it was very far from fine. i don't want her to gain weight, i don't mind her being small and honestly the girl eats like a horse. i don't think she could gain weight if she wanted to... i'm all jumbled up...help me please! how do i address this? any of it?

Don