ASK DR. BETTY

HI Dr. Betty,
My name's Susy and I'm 18 years old. I've been very much of a frequent visitor to your site though I'm not much into masturbation and all that stuff. I'm not that good in bed and I sort of have this reputation that I'm a great partner because people associate me with my friends who are good in bed. The problem is, I don't know so much about having sex. I have gotten laid but I still think my hymen's intact, but my boyfriend says that I'm no longer a virgin. I never had partners before. I had sex once when I was still young and if I remember right, I didn't bleed. Will you please e-mail me and give me tips on sucking a penis. I've done it before but I want to do it right. Please tell me on how to do it right and how to have sex better. Thanks so much and more power to you.
Susy

Drawing by Betty Dodson
Dear Susy,
Please invest in your sex education and get my book Sex for One. One of the first principles of "being good at sex" is knowing how to give yourself an orgasm by practicing masturbation alone. To answer your hymen question, get a mirror and a good light and examine your genitals. I am including my drawing of how to do this. If you still can't figure it out, go to a women's center or ask your health care provider.
What does the word "virgin" mean to you and why does it matter? If you've had intercourse, oral sex or manual sex with another person, that's all sex. The original meaning of virgin (as in vestal virgins) was simply a woman who was not owned by a man. Unfortunately your desire to please your boyfriend while leaving yourself out of the equation indicates you are heading toward being owned by him when it comes to sex. To service your boyfriend while getting no pleasure is leaving yourself out.
A woman who is good at sex is one who enjoys sex because she too has orgasms as well as her partner. Good sex is always based on mutual pleasure. Bad sex is a one-sided arrangement where one person sacrifices his or her pleasure to please the other. When you learn how to masturbate to orgasm, then you can get my other book, "Orgasms for Two" that talks about oralsex techniques for both men and women.
Betty