Dear Betty,

I am a twenty-two year old woman. I have been masturbating since I was quite young, long before I ever realized what I was doing. When I masturbate I do not touch myself. Instead, I tense all the muscles in my body, especially in the pelvic region, and fantasize. This is intensely pleasurable for me.

I also enjoy sex with my boyfriend. I know that many women need clitoral stimulation of some kind to orgasm, but even with straight-up vaginal penetration I have multiple orgasms. But I also love it when he touches my clit and vagina, and I can come from that too. But I've never made myself come from touching myself. This kind of worries me. I am really sex-positive, and open about it, and I think people should explore and love their bodies. I've tried touching myself, but it's just not very exciting for me. It only becomes exciting when it's someone else doing it, when I don't know what they're going to do next, when I know that they are excited too.

But I've read about masturbation, and everything says you need to really touch yourself, explore yourself, and learn to pleasure yourself. I'm really satisfied by getting off on muscle control alone, never touching myself. Like I said, I've tried touching myself before. I feel like it distracts me from my orgasm. I just don't like it all that much, certainly not compared to my hands-free masturbation technique.

My question is, does this just mean I'm not trying hard enough? Should I keep trying to touch myself and eventually learn what and how I like it? Or does it mean that touching myself isn't the best masturbation technique for me?

Annie