Dear Dr. Betty,

I've read your books and visited your website for years and I appreciate how sex positive you are for men and women. I'm also aware of your experience as a feminist and therapist and I hope that you can bring both to bear on two questions I have. I'm a thirty-something, heterosexual, male and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Because of my abuse I tend to shy away from physical contact until there is a great deal of trust between me and my partner. Even then, it is challenging for me to enjoy sex fully and I often cannot engage in it. It is however much easier for me to fulfill my sexual desires, between partners or when sexual intercourse is too stressful, by masturbating. But I've noticed that over the last decade or more that mainstream pornography is becoming angrier and more aggressive. The women are typically treated like dogs and they rarely seem to be enjoying themselves. They are always shaved, have enormous unrealistic breasts, and the men have penises that are just ridiculously above average. So I have two questions.

First, how can I relax and overcome my past so that I can enjoy sex? I've tried therapy but it hasn't helped (I've not tried sex therapy yet though). And second, where can I find good feminist porn, where the woman and man enjoy themselves and where the people look more realistic? Thank you so much for your help and for the work you do. Cheers,

Rio, San Francisco, CA