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Masturbation for Girls

1. I noticed that some of your sessions are full of laughs. Is a good sense of humor a big part of being a happily orgasmic woman?

As a rule, a happily orgasmic woman will have a good sense of humor. In my sessions, humor is used as a way to help break through any discomfort or guilt a client might be feeling in such an unusual situation. Laughter helps both of us to relax. We are after all women working together to seek solutions to something that is completely natural but often made shameful by society.

Not individual men but yes, a male-dominated society will set sexual standards based upon what men like. The conventional approach to partnersex, a penis inside a vagina, often leaves out a woman's clitoris which is her primary sexual pleasure organ. It's up to women to discover this for themselves and then explain it to the men in their lives.

I am focused on teaching pleasure skills. In the cases of sexual trauma from rape or incest, I would recommend she see one of my colleagues; skilled therapists trained in dealing with sex-related psychological disorders. If her complaint is physiological, like a long history of painful intercourse, I recommend she see a Gynecologist. However, vaginismus can sometimes be solved simply by working with the pelvic floor muscle. This process will give a woman more control over relaxing and contracting her vaginal muscles. Other times, painful intercourse is easy to rectify by giving a woman permission to use additional lubrication before vaginal penetration begins.

I seldom use "aura" but I do say "energy" as in building up sexual energy which means increasing sexual arousal. It is my belief that my sexuality is the same as my spirituality. Although I don't consider myself a Tantra practitioner, I do believe our experiences of orgasm can be sacred moments. For me, masturbation is a form of sexual meditation and I highly recommend it.

Yes, it's very important. Your question should be "Is naming your sex organ really that important?" The vagina is the birth canal. Would a man like his sex organ to be reduced to just his "testicles?" To refer to a woman's sex organ as a "vagina" is inadequate. It leaves out the inner lips and the clitoris that is far more extensive than most realize. Besides the clitoral shaft, hood and glans that are all visible, there are also the clitoral bulbs and legs along with the perineal and urethral sponges inside the body that become erect when stimulated. Women have nearly as much erectile tissue as men, but our erections are internal. When we continually refer to a woman's sex organ as a "vagina," too often both men and women believe that vaginal friction from penetration should be adequate stimulation to orgasm. However, that's not true for the majority of women. A better term would be "vulva" which is more inclusive. Or even saying "clitoris" is better than "vagina." While it's true that some women experience orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, they remain in the minority.

Experience can either enlighten a person or they can become set in their ways. I'm actually a bit older than Ruth whom I consider to be my colleague and friend. However, she has frequently stated (half in humor and half for real), that to be associated with me might damage her reputation. Dr. Ruth plays it safe. I'm comfortable living on the edge due to years of being a creative artist who challenges conventional wisdom. When it comes to money, success and notoriety, Ruth has me beat, but when it comes to sexual experiences and advanced sexual pleasure options, I run circles around Ruth. I'm a product of America's sexual revolution and for the last nine years, I've been living with a man forty years younger. Most importantly, Ruth and I are both very upbeat, sex positive, older women who are great role models for successful aging.

A woman who has lived to be an adult and has never explored her vulva, including no memory of childhood masturbation, needs to connect the nerve pathways from her clitoris to the pleasure center in her brain. Manual stimulation is seldom sufficient. Most will get tired, bored, or both and give up, or it's too much work. An electric vibrator delivers consistent, never-ending stimulation with ease that is under her control. The conventional image of partnersex is that a man gives a woman her orgasm. This is ridiculous! Both women and men get their own orgasms when they have adequate stimulation in the right place from a hand, a tongue, a vagina, or a vibrator for as long as a man or woman needs it. Women fear vibrator addiction, meaning they won't be able to orgasm from their lover's clitoral stimulation. What matters is our best orgasm no matter how we come. Any man who loves a woman and wants her to enjoy sex will be vibrator friendly. Those men who insist upon being the source of a woman's orgasm will end up with a partner who fakes pleasure just to please him.

Then it doesn't work. My client will have to look elsewhere. Again, I can recommend several friends who are colleagues that excel in traditional psychotherapy. However, most women simply need basic sex information and then spend some time practicing at home. One of the most profound aspects of my hands-on teaching approach is when I sit alongside a client and reassure her that her sex organ is not only "normal" but it's actually a work of art. Again, practice at home with the skills she learns with me is key.

I stopped practicing serial monogamy in 1966. However, there have been periods in my life when I had partnersex with just one person for a period of time. Not because of a religious vow, but simply because it happened organically. After many years of listening to people tell me about their sexlives, I believe the traditional way of life works for some but not for everyone. People need to have more choices instead of trying to fit everyone into one mold. There has always been artists, explorers, scientists, healers, shaman, etc., who chose to live without a wife, husband or children. They might have a dog or a cat however.

10. And finally, is the female orgasm really a political issue?

I'd say female sexuality is a HUGE political, social and economic issue. Women are limited and controlled by any authoritarian culture that denies childhood masturbation, withholds sex information and education (like promoting abstinence only until marriage), limits abortion and access to birth control, rejects sex workers rights while the very same men use their services behind the scenes, and upholds a sexual double standard allowing men autonomy while women must be faithful.

These are very political issues that are meant to keep women in their place- barefoot, monogamous and pregnant in the kitchen. Israel is probably ahead of the U.S.A. when it comes to sexual choices for women. But maybe I'm mistaken. We can all think of a few exceptions that prove the rule.

However, it is my personal belief that until we acknowledge and honor the practice of masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexuality, people will continue to be manipulated and controlled through sexual guilt and fear by any authoritarian government combined with outmoded religious principles. Having an independent orgasm may be the most political act of all.

Shalom,
Betty Dodson

@copyright 2007-2008 By Betty Dodson