Hello Betty,

I've read your book Sex for One and found it great. Since then I have pleasured myself whenever I want to and love it all. I have to say that I feel less guilty about it after I read your book, especially about wearing panties and other items of female underwear, and believe me I've done it all.

However, I've decided to cut back on the amount of self-pleasuring I do. I was masturbating up to three times per day and I felt it drained my energy and self esteem. The first few days after abstaining, my testicles felt uncomfortable so I brought myself to orgasm just for relief. Since then I have gone up to three days without an orgasm. I set a target for at least every second day. I still feel really horny and sometimes long to pleasure myself, but I definitely notice that I have more mental energy and I feel better about myself because of this.

What do you know or think about these feelings as I love pleasure and I like how I feel now. I'm 35 and single and do not have intercourse regularly.

Peter.

Dear Peter, A friend of mine was once very concerned about masturbating too much. He said he did it several times a day. Finally it dawned on me to ask him, "How long do your spend when you masturbate?" He said about two or three minutes. Three times a day times three minutes would total nine minutes. I suggested he he cut back on the "quickies" and start spending more time masturbating with one longer session and enjoy a better quality of orgasm. The idea of losing our energy through ejaculation stems from what I call the Eastern religious sex misers who are semen savers. I believe ejaculating on a regular basis keeps a man's sex organs functioning in top form just as exercise is good for the body. Yes, we can overdo both. However, feeling tired, energy drained, and a lower self-esteem sounds suspiciously like sexual guilt is doing a number on your head. Feeling guilty is absolutely exhausting and worthless. There is nothing wrong with having an hour or more of self-pleasuring every day, every other day or waiting up to three days. The number of times and length of time spent pleasuring oneself varies greatly throughout a person's lifetime. The important element is to enjoy your self and not succumb to sexual guilt. We are entitled to claim the sexual pleasure in our bodies as our own. Betty