Drawing Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I was never a fan of masturbating, but my boyfriend and I started engaging in phone sex with each other whenever we are not in physical contact. My problem is, I can't make myself orgasm nor can my boyfriend. I remember having orgasms a few times just having sexual thoughts. And a few years back, I orgasmed when my then boyfriend touched me. Now, I can't do it anymore and I don't know why. My current boyfriend is being patient, but sometimes, it makes him a little uncomfortable because I can't orgasm. When masturbating, I have tried two different techniques: 1) Simply stroking my clitoris. 2) Having my clitoris in-between two fingers and stroking it. During masturbation, I've gone to the point where it just feels so good that I start shaking and become exhausted, but I never orgasm. Are there any other ways I can try in order to make myself orgasm?

Thanks, Lee

[Sex for One info ]

Dear Lee,

Chances are fairly good that you're having small orgasms and not recognizing them. Ask yourself what you think an orgasm will feel like? If you've been watching porn with your BF, you might think all orgasms are dramatic and obvious. Not so. Get my book "Sex for One" and read what I have to say about female sexuality. You might also experiment with a small battery vibrator. Remember to always use some kind of lube when massaging your clitoris. Instead of thinking that you "make yourself orgasm," you might think about "allowing it to happen." The orgasm is in your body, it's not something you can will to happen with your mind. One other element would be taking plenty of time, like up to an hour of clitoral stimulation while having fun in the process.

Betty

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