dear betty,

i used to be able to achieve orgasm virtually whenever i wanted. i could have as many orgasms as i wanted during intercourse or masturbation. recently though, i started taking the antidepressant effexor, and now i am completely unable to have an orgasm. nothing. no sign of life whatsoever. i've masturbated extensively, my lover has performed oral sex above and beyond the call of duty and still nothing.

i don't know what to do. do you think testosterone would be helpful? do you think i've become too concerned and now i'm a head case about it? my lover and i have been together 5 months and i've never been so compatible with another human being, sexually, spiritually, physically, emotionally....all of it. i feel like this is a cruel twist of fate!

please help!!
holli

Dear Holli: You named it: cruel twist of fate. The bad news is that Effexor like other medications such as Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Serafin, and others are well known to kill one's libido either completely or mostly. And testosterone has shown no verifiable results. What's worse is so many M.D.s are cruel pill pushers with twisted ethics. They don't warn you that you are making a pact with the devil. Their patients get high and don't care -- especially if their sex isn't great anyway. The M.D. then doesn't have to deal with the patients sex problems. The good news is that you have a choice since we know that you are highly orgasmic. (I am assuming that you checked out a powerful vibrator like the Magic Wand in your statement above that didn't work either.) Seems to me your have a lot going for you - you are highly capable sexually and you said "i've never been so compatible with another human being, sexually, spiritually, physically, emotionally," about your relationship. Many women would trade places with you in a heartbeat. In your position I would really reevaluate whether of not my need for medical intervention was so great that I was willing to let go of my sex life as a trade off. Surly there must be something that your can try for your problem other than medication. Acupuncture, aerobics, meditation, massage, jogging, getting different work, for starters. That said, many people have spinal injuries, strokes, and other things where they have no choices and have found ways of settling for sensual stroking, massage, and erotic drugs as pretty good compensation. Let me know what you decide to do. Betty

dear betty,

thank you so much for responding to my question. Your answer pretty much cemented what i'd already decided to do: i'm going to get off these drugs. i can exercise, meditate, get another therapist, and have lots of good sex. these and a good, strong effort on my part should help me maintain healthy, happy living.

thanks again so much.

wish me luck!
holli