Dear Betty,

I am a single female in my late 30's. I consider myself a novice sexually, having only had 2 lovers (both male) in my very recent past. I recall my first conscious orgasm at about 15. It is a very vivid and happy memory. I recall having watched a very romantic, probably PG movie. The scene that stuck in my mind was a couple whispering to one another in a dimly lit bedroom. The scene faded to the sunset outside the window.

I dreamed that night that I was the woman in that bed being cherished by a considerate lover. I awoke the next morning with wet panties, some what puzzled. I just remember that lovely "tingle" between my legs. I put my hand inside, amazed at what I discovered. A wonderful, wet moistness. I masturbated to orgasm, (not knowing what it was then) before I left my bed that day. I remember a feeling of calm after it was over. I imagined then, that making love must be all the more wonderful!

Unfortunately, my mother did not agree. I remember many mornings when my father slept alone in another room in the house. The fear of being caught was so great, that I rarely EVER masturbated in my parents' home.

My first exposure to sex outside of my own infrequent masturbation, was making out in high school with a guy on a beach. He was a good friend at the time and I felt safe with him. I thought he had a million hands! There were a lot of NO's! Then whispered yeses! Then STOP! He could not understand why I would not just "let myself go." He would continue to masturbate himself until he came. I loved how hard he was and the warmth of his cock and testicles in my hands and occasionally my mouth. I would not let him return the favor...I thought I smelled 'bad' down there. He said he liked it. I was not convinced. We regrettably never did make love that wonderful summer.

A good college friend took me to the AV lab in the library. We watched a video she'd viewed in her human sexuality class. It was on male masturbation. WOW! I was amazed at what I saw. The twitches, soft moans, the pre-cum, the explosion of semen, all memories of my fun and frustration at the beach, in his car, the basement, the garage etc. To this day, seeing a man do himself is a fantastic turn-on.

During a school break, my mother walked in on me while I was masturbating and stormed out again, disgusted at what she'd discovered. She mumbled (clearly) that her lovely young lady had developed some very BAD habits while away at school! It was never mentioned again. So many of the messages I received from her devastated me so much. I remained a virgin for a VERY long time.

Thank God for private dorm rooms with doors that locked, and the weekends when my roommate was visiting her boyfriend or at home. I recall counting the weeks & months between orgasms and that NOT pleasuring myself was a good thing! I thought I was being a 'good girl' exhibiting self-control.I was going crazy. I recall talking with other gals during long study nights. About sex, orgasms, men and the fun you could have with "toys" during "solitary lovemaking" I was normal after all!

My lovers' both loved that I would ask them to regularly do that in front of me. They too, encouraged me to do it for them as often as we made love and even at times when we didn't! I loved their rituals, how they would start off, how it would build up and then drift in to a wonderful moment of satisfaction. I was fascinated at how they touched themselves. How familiar they were with their bodies. What fun we would have trying new ways to make it even better!

Dear one, Betty, I was grateful for your book and videos. They gave me a newly found sense of power and control (over my own body). Abstinence is nonsense! To all the other women, young and old who read this... Masturbate often! Masturbate for you! Masturbate for him! Masturbate alone! Masturbate together. JUST MASTURBATE!

Now for my question. Since I am not currently in a relationship, can you recommend any videos available that might show men jacking off? I find the "hard-core" videos not easy to watch.I want to view men who value their bodies and penises. The way I now value my vulva and most especially my clitoris. I feel this is vital to my fantasy life. I am still shy about asking the clerk in the video store to recommend a video that might meet my needs.

A Never-Too-Late, (but grateful) Bloomer!

My Dear Late Bloomer, Thanks for a precious email. You're doing great in spite of all those poisonous messages from your momther. Now, as for you question. One of my favorite genres is gay male porn. My friends at www.eroticmassage.com have some male masturbation videos you might enjoy. I agree with you. Watching a man totally into his body and the pleasure he can have is one of my favorites too. Yes, masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. Betty