Dear Betty: (Cont.)

I have recently separated from my "significant other" after 12 years of being together. Needless to say it has been quite a change for me. We had a good sex life and occasionally used a dildo that we had nicknamed "Big Boy". Our favorite thing to do with Big Boy was for me to crouch on all fours on the side of the bed while my man stood behind me, fucking me with Big Boy while I masturbated myself and he jacked himself off and relieved himself on my buttocks and back. I had some great orgasms that way, and upon occasion (not many) had a female ejaculation in that position.

One curious thing I've found since my man and I separated is that my orgasms are now very, very intense. I masturbated during our years together and we frequently had mutual masturbation sessions, and I would sometimes use Big Boy then, and always had good orgasms. But it seems now almost every session I have--whether it's my finger, Big Boy or my Hitachi magic wand (a recent purchase)--my orgasm is just so incredibly intense!

Not long after we separated I had a solo session and thought I'd had a female ejaculation, but it turns out I had peed on my bed. This happened several times after that, I believe because of the intensity of the orgasm, until I finally got smart and decided I'd better completely empty my bladder before any sessions or I'd have bedding to wash afterwards! I had never peed during orgasm in the 12 years I was with my man. I found out later when I searched online that this can happen to women who have intense orgasms; they can lose bladder control.

My question is, do you have any idea why my orgasms would be so intense almost every time I have one, since my partner left? It's not like when I was with him I had barely-there orgasms, I did definitely come and they were good, but now they are so intense they're like shockwaves through my genital region and my body lurches. I really don't think it's psychological, we had no sexual hang-ups and a good sexlife, it's just that he could no longer commit to the relationship and wanted out. I have not been with a man since we separated, so I couldn't tell you if these intense orgasms would happen with another partner or not. Also, do you think my incontinence during sex could be a result of my kegels getting weak? I am 45.

Thanks for everything,

Missy S.

Dear Missy, One possible explanation why your orgasms are so much more intense since your boyfriend left is that sex with ourselves is different than with a partner. You can now focus entirely on yourself and get exactly what you want, for as long as you want and how you want it, without any distractions. While your partnersex was good, after 12 years it had also become a bit more routine. Right now, you are in the early stages of having a new love affair with yourself, so naturally it's hot. Besides, the Magic Wand is new and I'll bet that it's another reason your orgasms are so big. The Wand has become the best friend of millions of women the world over. There is still a lot of confusion in the minds of many women over the matter of "female ejaculation" and urinary incontinence. That includes the so-called experts like myself. One way to check it out is to put your finger inside your vagina and squeeze your the PC or pelvic floor muscle. If it grips your finger very slightly then yes, you could be releasing urine and you need to exercise the muscle. If your PC muscle feels weak, you might want to get my Barbell and start doing Kegel repetitions to strengthen it. Go to the information under Betty's Barbell and check it out. Also notice how you use the muscle during masturbation. Don't bear down when you're getting close to coming. Lift up and squeeze instead. If you feel a good grip on your finger, chances are you could be releasing fluid from a big orgasm. The smell and taste test doesn't always work because fresh urine has little or no scent or flavor. Another way to check it our is to look at the amount of wetness. If you are releasing more than a couple of teaspoons, it's probably coming from your bladder, not from the tiny prostate-like glands inside the urethral sponge. Either way, doing your Kegel exercises is always a good idea. It will be interesting to find out how you respond to your next lover, so let me know. Be sure to get my DVD Orgasmic Women . 13 bold women share their masturbation practices. You will love it. Meanwhile keep loving those big orgasms! Betty