Dear Betty,

I am a 36-year-old straight woman who wrote you a couple of days ago asking how to a make private session appointment. Due to a recent affair and being abstinent for most of my life, I became extremely aware of how uncomfortable I am with myself sexually, and the fact that I have never felt that I have had an orgasm bothered me immensely.

I have been masturbating for 4 years now, but still felt like I was preorgasmic (although I've gotten those beautiful waves with partners and masturbating, they just erupted in little contractions, nothing that felt too significant). Since I last wrote, I got your video Selfloving and played it. I really liked how you teach selfloving and I took notes on the exercises. I couldn't wait to apply them.

Lo and behold, I had not one, not two, but a multitude of the most intense wonderful orgasms. I saw an amazing blue and had the most powerful ripples from head to toe. I laughed out loud in giddiness. I feel very liberated thanks to you and have been further exploring aspects of my sexual self that I have long repressed. I have also ordered Celebrating Orgasm and your book Sex for One for further education.

I do have some questions though regarding partner sex and am wondering if I can orgasm manually. for that reason I am still interested in a private session and would love to have more than one reason to visit New York. Please let me know what would be entailed.

Thanks so much for your good work, wonderful teaching, and informative web site,

jb

Dear JB, Congratulations on opening up your sexual self. Having those happy orgasms will make your life a lot more enjoyable. Since you have just started having orgasms with a vibrator at 36, I don't recommend shifting to manual right away. You can always start your selfloving session off with a manual genital massage and spend ten to fifteen minutes rubbing your clitoris because it feels good. However, if finger stimulation doesn't move you toward an orgasm just stretch out on the bed with your Magic Wand and get the kind of stimulation you need to go all the way. I suggest you also pay attention to strengthening your pelvic floor muscle. My research has clearly shown that a strong pc muscle enhances orgasm with oneself and during partnersex. It also insures bladder control, maintains vaginal health, and contributes to your overall health. Start doing Kegel exercises if you haven't already done so and consider getting my Vaginal Barbell. When you are ready to explore partnersex, my advice is to include your vibrator in your new love affair. If you meet a man that can't handle the idea that you come with an electric vibrator, recycle him and keep on vibrating. Where is it written that a woman must have her orgasm as the result of a man touching her? During partnersex, moving the penis inside the vagina gives most men the ideal kind of stimulation they need to come. I say we have every right to vibrate our clits during intercourse to get the kind of stimulation we need to come. If you were to have a private session I would not be teaching you how to come with a lesser form of clitoral stimulation by using your fingers. Instead I would show you the best positions for partnersex that would include the use of the Magic Wand and possibly the mini WaterDancer (see HOW TO ORDER) too. My suggestion is to spend a little more time with your self before worrying about pleasing a man. There is nothing more exciting to sexually secure man than to be with a woman who is having authentic orgasms. Please yourself first. Betty

     

Hi Betty,

Thanks for your reply. Since I last wrote, I have viewed Celebrating Orgasm and read your book, Sex for One, which I plan on buying for some friends--it's beautifully written and gets to the core of what it means to be sexually and cunt positive. I am looking forward to viewing Viva la Vulva, which I just ordered, and can't wait for your next book, Sex for Two. I've also been reading about sexual politics on your site, which has led me to learn more about Judy Chicago and Nancy Friday.

This research has helped me rediscover parts of myself that began to take root long ago, but were not fed or allowed to see light as I grew more complacent and sexually repressed. Opening myself up has given me the courage to grow these seedlings and express myself, not only sexually, but creatively. It also helped me rediscover some of my earlier drawings, which are rather dark--the females in the sketches look so disconnected from their beautiful naked, yet distorted, bodies. It was as if I could express my sexual self-perception subconsciously in these drawings, but not confront them consciously. Now i can't wait to confront and learn about these aspects of myself through, not only masturbating and fantasizing, but writing and drawing, as well.

Given all this and in response to your e-mail, I agree with you that I need to focus on my own sexual needs and satisfaction before anyone else. As a result I would like my private session with you to concentrate on honing my masturbation skills. It would also give me a chance to thank you in person for what your wonderful teaching and courage have done for me. Your assistant gave me the details - the cost and making a appointment -- and you be hearing from me shortly.

best,
jb