Dear Duffy,

When it comes to debating the emotionally charged topic of pre-teens viewing porn, the fact is they will inevitably see some, at some time, somewhere. So instead of arguing about at what age this should be allowed, we need to ask how to handle it when it happens. Not how to prevent it which would lead to some form of censorship that would also affect adults.

When I was around thirteen, long before the internet and television, some of my little friends were passing around pictures of comic book characters fucking and sucking in every possible combination. I clearly remember finding it both titillating and funny. At the time, I was happily masturbating so I knew sex felt good. I already knew how babies were made. I'd seen dogs and rabbits fucking and I could ask my mom any question about sex. One of the most important elements in my childhood was that my mother was not judgmental or prudish when it came to sex.

A better discussion would be how to eliminate the "abstinence only" message that's being dished out to our high school kids at a time they need some clear facts about their sexuality. You might want to read Judith Levine's book, "Harmful to Minors." Her book was attacked by right wing religious fundamentalists, which to me, is always a good sign that the information is on the right track. Others agree: Harmful to Minors was the Winner of the Los Angeles Times Book Prize. For best website and reviews go to http://www.upress.umn.edu/Books/L/levine_harmful.htm

Betty