Dr. Betty:

My wife and I used to have a very active and fun sexlife. We would watch porn together and either have sex or watch each other cum. We've also been with other couples and I loved watching my wife with both other men and women. But now we have a problem. We've gone back to church and our sexlife is a bore. My wife hardly wants to have sex and always feels guilty. The times we do decide to have sex and "talk dirty" we both feel guilty. Her more than me, but we're having sex less and less.

Now we're wondering what exactly is a "normal" sexlife? Every time couples have sex are they madly in love or at times do they just want to fuck and have fun too? Back in the day we used to be very open and we had a lot of fun. I want those days again and I think at times she does too, but can't shake the guilt. Do you have any advice?

Kevin Z.

Drawing by Betty Dodson Dear Kevin Z, A "normal" sexlife would be one where both partners are orgasmic and happy. Very much like what you once had. Unfortunately most organized religions control the congregation through sexual guilt that is inevitable given the prohibitions they put on sexual expression. As you and your wife are now experiencing, the sexual guilt that you are both having is dampening the joy and fun you used to have with sex. Naturally it's making you unhappy. You now have a choice. As adults, you can chose to worship a beneficent God that you define for yourselves, one who approves of sexual pleasure, which would naturally incorporate having fun. Currently, I serve the goddess of sexual love and abundance who is within me as well as in Mother Nature. This is my own design for a higher power who is always with me, especially when I meditate. How we worship is a very individual thing and should benefit our lives not restrict them. Let me know what you decide to do. Betty