Dear Betty,

My wife and I (both 38 ) have a very good marriage (7 years) with a great sex life. I am extremely sexual and very opened minded. Since I told her about my sexual fantasy two years ago (to have sex with 2 or more women at once), she said that she too would like to have sex with another woman. She said that her fantasy has always been to have a lesbian experience and that she thinks that she was a lesbian in her previous life. I could watch and masturbate but not participate, which I don't mind -- she's a bit jealous.

Last year we went twice to a lesbian bar in NY City and we both loved the experience. She kissed some girls for the first time and I had an erection all night long. She came home saying that she really felt some attraction for women and that she would love to have a female lover some day. That gave me an erection for days.

My questions to you are. Will I be making a big mistake if I allow her to be with another woman? Will our family (2 children) be affected? What changes could I expect? Are STD's in lesbian or bi-sexual relationships greater than in heterosexuals? Open minded "Norm"

Dear Norm, It's a pretty common fantasy but... it's a bit too late to be asking if you will be making a big mistake by allowing your wife to be with another woman. Remember it was your idea to begin with so if she wants to have an affair with a woman, she will most likely do so with or without your permission. The only way your kids would be affected is if your wife decides she prefers women. Then they would have two mommies and a visiting daddy. By the way, this could happen with or without having a threesome. The good news is that since the two of you have been enjoying a good sexual relationship for the past 7 years, having a threesome won't necessarily break up your marriage. However, a three-way sexual sharing requires a delicate balance especially if your wife is the jealous type. How long will you be happy just watching? Another possibility is that you end up with two women sharing fabulous sex together. As for STD's there is no assurance other than having safer sex. That means if your wife wants to suck a pussy, she would need to use a latex barrier and visa versa. Frankly, I can't feel that much with a condom cut open or saran wrap on my clit so I prefer doing manual or vibrator sex with a new person. Once you get to know your partner, then more oral intimacy can proceed. Before going any further, I suggest having an in-depth discussion that would include setting limits you and your wife can both agree to. Remember, you can always decide to keep your threesome a fantasy. Betty