Drawing by Betty Dodson

I enjoy giving BF oral sex but I don't want to swallow his cum. He has asked me several times when I would and I've managed to tell him I'm not really into that and really have never been. Am I among the few who don't enjoy it? It worries me and I've told him that if this really is important to him are we compatible enough? He seems to be accepting but I fear he may truly want this and may find it in another person.

Hi Betty! (Cont.)

Love your website. Your answers are great and so straight forward.

Betty, am I among the few who don't enjoy swallowing cum? BF says I DO SATISFY HIM but feels its only natural and more proof that I love him if I perform this. HELP!

Does swallowing signify love for men? He once said it makes him feel more like a man! Also he's more into giving me oral sex than intercourse and he feels being 6 inches is not enough for me (another issue) BUT I LOVE THE PENETRATION even though I've had bigger. I've also told him this.

We are the same height, maybe I'm a half-inch taller. Does this matter? We are both erotic, use words, sexual fantasies along with my vibrating egg. I can only orgasm with direct clit stimulation, not with his oral sex because I NEED more force and I've told him this. Sometime I do feel guilty about only having an orgasm this way. WHY?

I so want to have an orgasm from oral sex, but can't seem to succeed. IS THIS NORMAL? Thanks for your response. I KNOW it's a lot to throw at you, but he's a great guy and maybe I need guidance.

April

Dear April,

My original fear about swallowing was that I would gag and throw up on my boyfriend, but it didn't happen. I would never claim semen is delicious, but it isn't that bad either. The only time I found the taste not challenging was with a man who was vegetarian. Now I swallow on special occasions to express gratitude. I suggest you try it at least once just to have the experience.

Next time you give him a blowjob, ask him to taste his own come to give you some encouragement. If he refuses, why should he expect you to do it? Swallowing is not proof of a woman's love. It might be proof that he is sexually controlling you if he expects you to ignore how you feel about doing this. Remember, he is already happy with you. Obsessing over how to make sure your keeping him sexually happy can lead to a kind of emotional blackmail.

All of your other concerns like being a bit taller, feeling guilty about needing more direct clitoral stimulation and wanting him to be the creator of your orgasm all smacks of a woman caught up in a lot of romantic notions about partnersex. You are sexually "healthy," and having an orgasm with some kind of direct clitoral stimulation is "normal." It doesn't matter how we come as long as we do. Stop knocking yourself out trying to please him, build a little more self-esteem and enjoy the sex you are having. What do you think?

Betty

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