Hi, Betty,

I am an 18 year-old girl. I am just starting to fully enjoy sex, between being at college and discarding Catholicism. I have some damn good orgasms by myself and I am lucky enough to have a male friend who cheerfully obliges my still virginal whims. Generally we'll start on a Friday evening and finish up the following afternoon, just caressing and kissing and being intimate. Pretty soon, I let him go down on me and I can't wait (I was feeling ugly before, but you've changed that!). I have multiples just by being with him and by his hand on me alone. My best orgasms occur when I'm with someone (I'm a theatre major... coincidence?).

But I have a terrible problem. My vagina is so tight that I can't even accept his pinky finger. I was never able to get a tampon in without excruciating pain, but never said a word about it. I supposed it was because I was nervous, but my intuition said otherwise. Then when I was fooling around a lot with my boy, and was fully relaxed, humming and cumming, I asked him to insert a finger as an experiment. I had a feeling what was coming. His index finger started in, and I can only describe it as a cold pain stabbing thru my whole abdominal area.

The joy stopped instantly. I thought he'd crammed his fist up there, but when he said it was his FINGERTIP, I was embarrassed and thought I was being hypersensitive. So I asked him to try again but I couldn't bear the pain. He still hadn't gotten up past his pinky fingernail (which was trimmed by the way). I told him he broke my hymen, but he's very experienced and he said no way. He was alarmed that it had hurt so much I cried. I was sore for two days after.

I know I should go to a gynecologist but to ask my mom would be a BAD idea. So I was wondering if you, the high priestess of sex, has ever heard of this? I hope you publish this one. I've never seen this kind of question before. When I was jacking my boy, his average 6" size scared me. I knew there was no way it could ever fit me. When I hear about people being penetrated by TWO fingers, I am bewildered. The idea is far beyond what I have to work with. I can't even penetrate myself it hurts so much.

In addition, I was severely anorexic all my life, so I may have developed wrong. Could this have stunted my growth? I am fully female, because I underwent many tests for an episode of amenorrhea during high school, including blood work and ultrasound to check hormones, structures, etc. I know that hermaphrodites tend to have short vaginas, so I decided to clear that up. My clit is also miniscule, but quite lively. My boy said I look like what a little girl might look like, genitally speaking. Help me!

Anna

 

Dear Anna,

Yes, Anorexia affects the production of female growth hormones. Starvation will end the menstrual cycle so it can also affect the development of a woman's genitals. I'm not a medical doctor and I think it's important for you to see one. The intense pain could possibly be casued by your hymen and might need to be opened surgically. After you see a GYN (with or without your mom knowing) and discover your hormone levels are average and nothing is organically wrong, slowly and gradually stretching your vaginal opening rests in your own hands.

Get a free-standing makeup mirror and a good light you can aim. Using both of your hands, massage your entire genital area with natural oil like coconut, almond, or avocado. I've been using the one i sell in my sex shop for years. Focus on the PC muscle, which is short for pubococcygeus. It is sometimes referred to as the pelvic floor or vaginal muscle. To locate the muscle stop the flow of urine. When you tighten this muscle, you can see your entire genital area move from the anus to the clitoris.

Several of my clients who were diagnosed with vaginismus (a tight vagina) eventually got a finger inside their vaginas by working the PC muscle and using their breath to relax. Squeezing the vaginal muscle tight and holding it a moment helps to relax the muscle when you let go. When I tell a client to LIFT and squeeze the muscle, at first, many make the mistake of tightening the surrounding muscles in their stomachs, thighs, and buttocks. For best results you will want to isolate just the PC muscle.

With practice I'm sure you will be able to gradually open your vagina. Until you do I'd avoid letting someone else try. Remember to breathe, squeeze, hold and then let go. Use plenty of massage oil as you press around the opening and watch yourself in the mirror.

Once you are comfortable with a finger, I suggest you invest in my Vaginal Barbell. It's is both a practical vaginal exerciser and an excellent pleasure device that I have used for years in teaching women about orgasm. Made of stainless steel, the Barbell is 6 ¾ inches long and weighs nearly one pound. Once inserted, the weight holds it in place. The Barbell is sturdy enough to become a family heirloom that can be passed down from grandmother to granddaughter.

You will find most of this information above and more under Betty's Vaginal Barbell. Use the small end first! Take control of your own body and let me know how you progress.

Betty

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