Dear Audrey, I am not a medical doctor, but what you have described sounds like you may have what is called "vulvadynia" (VVD) or "vestibulodynia" (VBD) which are chronic pain conditions. Although the exact cause has never been confirmed, one of the leading theories is that VBD, pain at the vaginal opening is some kind of a glitch in the central nervous system. I recommend you check out "The V Book, A Doctors Guide to Vulvovaginal Health" by Elizabeth Stuart MD. She is located in Boston and is one of the few experts on this subject. She believes that VVD may involve pain from a nerve injury and VBD may be pain caused by nerve inflammation. She goes into length about possible ways to deal with this problem such as stopping the use of all soaps, creams, douches, fragrances or chemicals that may come into contact with the vulva. Eliminate tight clothing and abrasive activities. Topical anesthetic agents applied to the painful areas may help to permit the possibility of intercourse, but it needs to be in a neutral base such as a vegetable oil which is soothing and moisturizing. She says the vulvar golden rule is if it hurts, don't do it. You might want to get my book "Orgasms for Two" that has many suggestions for ways to enjoy partnersex that do not involve vaginal penetration. The only thing I can tell you is to continue to be patient. It will take time to train your body/mind that kissing, hugging, and sharing massage along with manual and oral sex will not end up causing you pain. Another thing, the Passionette electric vibrator that I sell on my website might bring more pleasurable sensation to your masturbation. Betty