ASK DR. BETTY

Drawing by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,
About two months ago I started to feel pain during sex. It was like I was clenching my vagina unwillingly and not allowing for intercourse with my husband, who I love and have no problems with. After a few doctor's visits and an ultrasound it was decided that I had BV, but had been diagnosed with a yeast infection on the first visit (and treated as such).
This process of doctor's visits and waiting to see if a medication was working and then returning to the doctor's office took about two months and during that time a lot of other very stressful things were happening in my/our lives. Now I want to get closer to my husband, make up for lost time as it were, but I just don't feel sexy. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid that I will start 'clenching up' again even though that was never the problem -- it was hypothesized that I was doing that in the beginning, but it turned out that it was a physical pain and not a mental or psychological one.
I am afraid that even though I'm well I will still hurt and the cycle will continue, because I'm so nervous. I am very sad and don't know what to do! I feel like I am growing farther and farther awy from my partner, and he is beginning to become stressed from the lack of sexual intimacy.
Thank you,
Nancy

Dear Nancy,
Don't be sad! Here comes masturbation to the rescue, first by yourself and then sharing masturbation. Please get my book "Orgasms for Two" and read it with your husband. Intercourse isn't the only way to maintain intimacy in a marriage. You need to talk with him about what you are feeling including your concern and worry about pain when you resume partnersex. The first step in getting closer to him would be to include him in your sexual concerns.
Forget about "feeling sexy." Just start working you PC muscle and massaging your clitoris for a while. Then you will remember how good sexual pleasure feels and your body will get interested in feeling more of the same. Exercising your pelvic floor by flexing and releasing the muscle helps to relax your vagina. Check out my information under Betty's Barbell. Until you sort this out, share some massage with your husband, buy some sex toys and a vibrator and play with them together, share oral sex or some manual sex. Then get back to me and share the good news.
Betty